Mush and Lust and Sex

I am strong and you are weak

And I am weak and you are strong

And I could just go on and on about the days, the weeks, the times when I have written wrong and rights


In my bed I lay my head and all my fears come out at night,

In forms of dreams I can’t escape

You’re still here, breath on my face


A time I won and a time I lost and I ask myself, at what cost?

In my head I always dread a conversation with you,

I see you time and time again in bodies lost to me


It’s time I face the weird dirty place I exist within,

My mind is mush and lust and sex and that one last climaxing breath,

My mind is blood and screams and pleas and those tall forest trees

My mind is death and life and my cozy bed at night

My mind is tricks and wishes and lists and love and crazy obsessive thoughts I can never stop thinking of


I see spirals…  and that is all,

They will circle me until I fall.






This poem was written in 2021, 2 days after I was raped.